A Little Piece of Family History

I found something out about my family this morning that I never knew. My mom (and a WHOLE bunch of other folk) went to visit some land in VA that was left to them by their great grandparents. She told me she discovered while they were down there that her great grandparents, my great great grands, were full blood Indian. I had no idea I was mixed with Native American that close back. I thought it was back much further than that. I used to always think as a child that my grandmother looked like an Indian. She had the prettiest, longest, silkiest black hair I'd ever seen ... until she got sick with cancer that is.

It's very interesting to me knowing where U come from. For instance, I know that on my dad's side of the family, somewhere back along the way I come from Irish descent. I don't quite know where all that comes into play though. I just remember being a kid thinking that my grandfather was white. I didn't understand back then that you could be lightskinned and STILL be black. Funny the way a kid's mind works.

Well, nothing too monumental here, we're all muts in this country pretty much, but I find it extremely interesting nonetheless.

"U might say 'what U mad about?' But U stil got your family name!" - Prince, Family Name

GAYS! GAYS! GAYS! EVERYWHERE!

Did you see all the homos (or people who pretended to be homos to attract recognition and rave reviews) last night at the Golden Globes? It was utter fabulousness. The gut wrenching Bareback Mountain wrang up four trophies! And even though the dreamy Heath Ledger (who looked delicous enough to lick, savor and swallow ... a few times) didn't win for best actor, Philip Seymour Hoffman won for playing a truly famous gay, Truman Capote. And then there was Felicity Huffman who won for playing a transgendered person! Her speech was very cool. I tell ya, the wingnuts and Parental Adivsory Council must have been up in arms. All this homo propaganda right there on national television! Then all these new homo shows like Book of Daniel and Crumbs! It's surely end times!

And then there was the cast of Will & Grace, my favorite sit-com ever, appearing for the last time together. So sad.

My favorite moment, hands down, was S. Epatha Merckerson's win for Lackawanna Blues. So richly deserved. What an inspiration she is.

And as if movies and TV weren't enough, now Sony is making a gay music label and there's a gay radio station too called "Radio with a Twist." (how creative) There shouldn't be too much to worry about there, because like LOGO they won't really play gay artists, just artists who gay people like, like Madonna. I mean sure Elton or Melissa will show up to, but come on, do they really need the extra exposure? I love the way they define it as "gay friendly artists." I wanna know who the fag-hating artists are. They should get a radio station too.

I read somewhere that LOGO was looking for additional videos from Indies to air on their programming. I feel special that my video was deemed to raw and raunchy for the likes of the children-having-sex advocating MTV owned channel LOGO. Really special.

If I sound bitter, I apologize cuz I'm not at all. Just the opposite. I think what's been happening for homos this last decade is wonderful and promising. I remember a time when I would have rather died than have anybody know I was gay cuz it was that scary to me ... and that wasn't that long ago folks. So, we've come A HELLUVA long way in a few short years. I just find things really hilariously amusing sometimes.

And oh yeah, I wonder what it would be like to be Brangelina's offspring. Heaven or Hell? Anyone?

"I was given a special gift, some might call it a curse." - Justin Tranter, Gag Reflex

Opening Success

This past weekend was opening weekend for "Six Degrees of Separation", the play that I've been working on since November. All that tedious hard work finally paid off as audiences really responded to us. I absolutely love this show and LOVE playing this character, which is why I even auditioned for it in the first place. You have to really love something to give all the time and energy something like this requires for free ... kind of like my burgeoning music career!

They wrote an article in the local paper before we opened and guess what ... they spelled my name wrong. Not only is it wrong in the paper, but it's wrong in the program AND on my bio picture they have hanging in the theatre. Why couldn't they have just put SATURN like I requested? I guess my director thought I was being too much of a diva to have the name SATURN in the program by itself. Well, it takes one 2 know one!

"Hey, look me over! Tell me do U like what U see?" - Prince, Baby, I'm a Star

The Co$t of Chasing Your Dream

I want 2 start off this post by saying that I'm not sharing this private information to be negative or doubtful of my capabilities in anyway. I'm all about positive, forward thinking, but in order to go forward we must know where we've been and learn from our mistakes, right? Plus, I've been feeling all reflective lately, not sure why.

In any case, I'm a meticulous record keeper when it comes to money ... probably because it's in such short supply for me. So, the other night I got the bright (or maybe not so bright) idea to figure exactly what SJG Entertainment has cost me financially since I started it in August 2001 with the very first recordings of 2 songs off of "The Virgin Poet". I also wanted to see how much I've made and to compare the two numbers. Here's the data I came up with in summary:

Income: $2664
Recording & Duplication Costs: $8605
Total Music Related Expenses including recording & duplication: $18068

Now, for a list of things I learned from studying these illuminating numbers:

1. SJG Entertainment thus far has not been the wisest investment. (No shit, right?)

2. I could have a brand new car or be debt free AND have money to spare had I not went into music.

3. I made more money with my music in 2005 than I did in 2002, 2003 and 2004 COMBINED. This leads me to believe that I'm finally just beginning to do some things right.

4. Given that half my music income from 2005 came from live performances and given that I only had 3 performances in 2005 (well ... 4, but we won't count the debacle that was my April date at the Royal), I think it stands to reason that I need to focus more of my attention on getting gigs. WAY more gigs!

5. I apparently have more masturbatory impulses than I care to admit.

6. With the money I've spent on recording and distribution, I could have just about paid for my own home - made studio.

7. This music dream is indeed costly, however, I wouldn't trade the experiences, the knowledge or the journey that I've had for the past four years for the money I've spent so far - all 18 grand of it. In short, it's been worth it to me because I AM chasing my dream and I know that if I am persistent, diligent and smart about the way I approach the next few years, it will eventually pay off ... perhaps not in money, but I'm beginning to learn that money is far from being the most important of things.

"Maybe U get what U wanted, maybe U stumble upon it, everything U've ever wanted in a permanent state." - Coldplay, White Shadows

Gut Instinct

Something told me to leave my cell phone in my car when I went to work out at the gym today. But did I listen? Of course not. Had I known some idiot muthafucka would cut my lock, go through my shit and steal from me, of course, I would have left my phone in my car. Thankfully, my wallet was not in there as that is, no doubt, what they were after. Unluckily, though, I have no insurance on my cell phone which means I have to buy a brand new one and that bitch is way more expensive that any money I would have kept in my wallet.

Ah well, it could be worse. My lesson is twofold ... listen to that little voice in your head and always ALWAYS have insurance on your cell phone!

"Bury him face down and let the muthafucka kiss ass, ok?" - Prince, Face Down

Art or Porn?

I got this movie from Netflix today called "9 Songs". Now, I expected something controversial, that's why I got it. I'd heard and read all about how the 2 actors who made this film actually had sex, no faking it. I read it was released with an NC-17. I was not prepared for what I got. A racy film? Explicit romance set to music? A deep and meaningful artistic journey? Bullfuckingshit. What I got was pure PORN! They showed it ALL. I mean come on, all it is one sex scene after the other with some boring ass songs thrown in between. I read there was no script. Well, shit, when all you're gonna do is show fucking, sucking, pussy, dick, oral sex, cum shots, penetration and S&M, who needs a fucking script?

Now, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed the sex. Twice actually. I don't know why, but there is something intrinsically more erotic and exciting to me watching p0rnographic sex in what's touted as a "real" movie than actually just watching porn. But therein lies the rub (pun intended) - what makes this art and not porn? In my book, there is no distinction. Take away the sex and all you're left with is some lame ass concert footage. We're supposed to accept this as a "film" just because it has Michael Winterbottom's name on it? Fuck that. Chi Chi La Rue is more brilliant. At least with her you get gang bangs, ass licking and hot guys. And it doesn't tout itself as being something it's not.

I'm pretty fucking liberal, but come on. The line must be drawn somewhere. This SHOULD have been rated X and should not have been released into theatres.

Ok, I'm off to go watch her suck his cock and watch him shoot hot jizz all over himself one more time, ponder the meaning of it all, and then I'm going to bed.

"What am I supposed 2 do with it? It don't matter, just don't bite it!" - N.W.A., She Swallowed It